Paranoia is in bloom

This is when a blog comes in handy. I really
dont know how much longer I can hold this feelings
in. I really dont. I feel like I am about to explode anytime.
My mind keeps fucking with me. But at this very moment
I envy anyone who has courage to express their feelings.
Cause I clearly do not. Paranoid much.

Even the stars refuse to shine

It's been really long since ive blogged hasnt it? Well I just had
no necessity to. Until right now. I feel so scared of the future.
But it sucks even more cause I know there;s no need to be afraid
at all cause it's going to be bright & alright. But Im battling with my
feelings so hard just to think straight. Im scared to leave my room,
my house, my family, my friends, my life, my country.. It's such
an irony. I was so looking forward to it but now that it's all
happening, im scared. But Im only human right? Ive never been
alone. But i need to remind myself that Im going to be 21 in a
couple more months and my adult life's about to start afresh.
I've gotta be a big girl because big girls don't cry.

K.O

I never thought I'd be in love like this
When I look at you my mind goes on a trip
And you came in and knocked me on my face
Feels like in I'm a race
but I already won first place

I never thought I'd.. fall for you as hard as I did
You got me thinking about our life, our house and kids
Every mornin' I look at you and smile
Boy you came around
And you knocked me down

yeap you seriously got me thinking about 
our life,our house and kids

Changes are good.

I've finally changed the blog skin like after a year or more.
It's time for changes to take place. With my hands spread
towards the sky I am going to scream as loud as I can "Change,
Im ready! Bring it!"

Blessed

Today is my last day in Nanyang academy of fine arts. I have come a long
way to get here and to be called a designer, i feel blessed. From a typical
neighbourhood school to this, couldnt have asked for more. Im full of thank
you's today cause im contented with life. Im growing up to be the person my
DAD and mum has always wanted me to be. Im not assuming that. When
I saw my mum's eyes when she came to my grad show today, she was looking
at my work and her eyes had the sparkle. That satisfaction omg it brings joy.
Not just my mum, even my sister and my brother in law. I love them too much.
I know my dad's proud of me too. Oh i miss you alot btw papa sometimes i
wish for you cause i know life will be better. The things we can do would be
amazing. But none the less its all been good :) Oh and thank you Atiqah Azman
for the balloons. My bestfriend made my day and i love her to bits! Thank you
babe! Its been a good grad show a very good one and im glad! Thankful too.

Thanks to : My family, Atiqah Azman, Nadiah Niazi, Nur Atiqah Haroon,
Lim Xiao Ping, Ryan Zah and Radhia Kazura though you are miles away
im always thankful for you! Last but not least, THANK YOU TO JESUS CHRIST
FOR BEING MY PILLAR, always.

Goodnight worldd
God Bless You!

I never told you

HELLO WORLD!!! I HOPE YOU CAN SENSE THE HAPPINESS IN MY TONE.
Yeap im done with nanyang academy of fine arts. Im months away
from holding onto my diploma cert. Fyp submission was done
yesterday and i wont say it was breeze or anything. But it was
decent. Thursday morning is my final presentation in nafa. The
final one with the external assessor who's a Creative director
from a prestigious ad firm. I m not going to act tough by saying
im not nervous and shit. Cause im damn nervous. Im scared i might
swallow my words. I feel like ill forget my whole campaign the moment
i open my mouth. Geez! Im going to sleep,eat and live with positive vibes
for the next 2 days.

Now that ive graduated, its about time i figured what im going to do
with my life. Thank God for universities. It comforts me that im not
all that done with school. All i know is that im not going to do my
uni here in singapore. I dont want to actually. Only because i know
the world has better offer my design dreams. You wanna listen to my
plan? even if you dont want to, you have to since you're reading it
dumbwit!


My plan is to be a PR of the country of the choice most probably Canada
or London since the unis that offer me the courses of my choices are
mainly there. PR so that i get cheaper fees of course. And yes i mean
Canada. It seems like one place thats not over rated. not yet at least.
And guess what filming is going to happen in vancouver? GUESSSSSS :D
freaking twilight saga: breaking dawn of course. Not yet. but damn soon please.
Okay screw all that. But canada has been a choice cause of what my lecturer told
me when i was began my year 2. IT offers cheap good design degrees compared to
aussie and all. But come on LONDON IS THE DAMN DREAM. IF IM REACH
ENOUGH, GEEZ I WILL BE IN LONDON RIGHT DAMN NOW. All my
bands are so there and please dont forget muse! And i even dreamt they
were my wedding band. If that ever happens, i will dump my fiance and marry
dom even if that is his 11th wedding. AAAHAA DOMMMM HOWARDSSSS... YOUR
SMELL FILLS MY MEMORIES. kk sorry back to blogging. yeap you heard me,
i need to get outta here. But everything stops me cause i love my life
right here. I have an awesome social life, there's no need for me to run
away. But i need to chase my dream right? So lets see where im headed to
but my mum and sister have agreed to support me whereever i go as long i send
them gifts through fedex of what have you. Lets see how it goes.

Meanwhile im going to happily work save some money cause i have tonnes of
holidays coming up. First up on the list, its bali in july w/ the best
friends! WOOHOO. I CANT WAIT. Then we'll see what im up to. and i know
life brings me what it wants to cause im waiting for it with a fully equipped
packed bag, literally baby.



2 weeks till i profess my love and change me life. :)

S o l o

Im feeling better maybe cause im going to see my bestfriends tomorrow
after one freaking week. I miss them quite abit. But at least I see
2 of them tomorrow. One more week and Im freaking done, I know ive said
this a billion times. But you should be able to sense the excitement im
feeling. 3 years of tertiary education is almost done!!! I wont deny ive
learnt alot. From a typical local secondary school to a design school
which has ties with one of the best uni's in london, boy am i fortunate.
Okay ill cut the crap and talk about post graduation when it happens.
And i must say this, london town is getting closer and closer. It's just
a matter of time then it's hello london town!! Okay im back to finish
up below the line items. And it;s amazing having a sister. And even more
cooler having the best brother in law in the world! I heart long drives.
Goodnight world, problems can wait!

PCB

Im close to breaking down, throwing everything away and running in circles.
Fyp submission is in 2 weeks and its finally getting to me. Im blogging in
hope of feeling better, nothing but better. I get so ambitious sometimes
and when it backfires i feel fucked. It's not like i couldnt see it coming.
Then why? Im amazingly weird like that. Anyhoos im going to bite my hand,
grit my teeth or chew on whatever to hold on for another 10 days. Then im
free from the design world for awhile. I need a break, im getting rusty.
I wanna work in the zoo after grad. And of course travel around, party
party party, meet the other 6.6 billion people.Then finally get into a
university abroad. All that can wait, right now fyp awaits!Okay i feel
better knowing the line isnt far away and ive got so much more stored up
for the coming days ahead.

New moon

You know something, my life right now is just the twilight series.
New moon to be precise. Well it's just that characters in new moon are
far more closer to perfection. So im bella, then we have C as jacob and
D as edward. So im in love with D orbviously. But C is in love with me.
So D has no idea of how crazy im about him. But new moon's not about
edward. So this right now is not about D. So C is really charming and
is the next in line for the romantic issue. But he's so much of a friend.
Too much of a friend. But i like it that he has feelings for me so that
he never leaves. It's like im totally selfish. Just like bella said "I
never want you to give up only cause i want you around." Yup thats the
scenario with me. And i think i just pushed him to give up, part of me
feels happy and part of me feels shitty. Im pmsing. Dont blame me. I wanna
slap him if i can thats how annoyed i feel. But who am i kidding, overall
im the root of all the pain problems im facing. Just like bella, im the
biggest slut around. at least for tonight.

When I look at you

Everybody needs inspiration,
Everybody needs a song
A beautiful melody
When the nights so long

Cause there is no guarantee
That this life is easy...

Yea when my world is falling apart
When there's no light to break up the dark
That's when I, I...
I look at you

When the waves
Are flooding the shore and I can't
Find my way home anymore
That's when I, I...
I look at you

When I look At You I see forgiveness
I see the truth
You love me for who I am
Like the stars Hold the moon
Right there where they belong
And I Know I'm Not Alone.

Yea when my world is falling apart
When there's no light to break up the dark
That's when I, I...
I look at you

When the waves
Are flooding the shore and I can't
Find my way home anymore
That's when I, I...
I look at you

You appear just like a dream to me
Just like Kaleidoscope colors that
Cover Me, All I need every
Breath that I breathe don't you know
You're beautiful...

Yea Yea Yea

When the waves
Are flooding the shore and I can't
Find my way home anymore
That's when I, I...
I look at you
I look at you

Yea Yea Oh OH OH

And you appear Just like a dream
To me.

Repeat mode all the way and did I
mention Im graduating in like 4 weeks?
Freaky much.